Warning: the book is intended for MEN!
It uses profanity, is not hypocritical, but brutally open and honest.
Read only at YOUR OWN RISK!
Sex, then, well - about time, eh?
Hey, don’t be naive – I’m just following the logical progression of the relationship! And then also this chapter and especially the next one are even gillier and kinda gross, so I’ve been saving them as far back as possible to shake off as many cheap critics and especially female critics as possible on the way to them = just alibi, well…
You see, it needs to be fully acknowledged and, more importantly, understood (not such a novel or revelatory idea) that we all just look at sex a little (more like a lot) differently, have different reasons for it, and experience it differently. In short, it really is true that the man has the sower’s desire and the woman the fertile wedge. Realize that we don’t care that much. In the beginning and then actually at the end we sometimes have erection problems, but otherwise it’s not a big deal. But for women it’s a big deal – first sex always sucks, but more importantly their whole productive life is at risk of getting pregnant and then leaving with a drum.
That’s why they only start to get seriously passionate in the period just before and especially after climacteric! This is also why young guys and older women often get along paradoxically – both groups are just as horny…and younger girls and older men – they just don’t care about sex as much…
I’m going to write weirdly for the average guy now, but it really doesn’t work the famous phrase that a woman makes love to a man the moment he fucks her. You know, those ideas about fucking techniques really belong to puberty and also prove that many guys never mature at all! Oh, and we also watch too much porn and miss the fact that it’s really just an „adult fairy tale“! And once again yeah – don’t let anyone tell you that women don’t watch porn, shit! Bullshit! They’re just being hypocrites and won’t admit it even on the torture chamber!
And my sentence, which paradoxically sounds like the greatest trick and yet is no trick at all?! I told all the women, and in fact warned and pointed out to them in advance, that I don’t fuck, I cuddle! I admit that some of them were initially surprised and then shocked, and I also admit that they subsequently fell in love. The point is that sex is the ultimate expression of depth of feeling, an intimate expression of affection and a manifestation of the desire to be together and to touch. For me, it’s all about the atmosphere, the feeling, the experience… Yeah, I guess I’m just really different.
I remember a cartoon where a little girl had her panties pulled down and was telling a surprised and incredulous looking little boy: „When I grow up, I’m gonna control your whole life with this!“ Well, I honestly don’t know…so the girls don’t accidentally overdo it too! Because as the boys‘ sperm diminish, they also seem to get lazier overall and slowly become completely disinterested in just „piddling“ with these awkward moves! Get their hormones going and God forbid they realise that the sex isn’t really worth it anyway. For all the shenanigans, the humiliation…and that the cheapest sex is really with whores in a whorehouse! I’ve written about it above, so now I’ll just add that you won’t worry about whether she sucks, whether she swallows, whether she sits on a horsy or whether you have to do it all… It’s all one big unknown and often a totally wasted investment!
I have also heard of a case where a gentleman took a „lady“ to a cottage…and when they were at dinner, he did not allow himself to comment on his astonishment that, though so thin, she was eating so much and such quantities. What was his surprise to learn that when she had her days, she just ate a lot! Do you understand?! So it didn’t even occur to her that if she was going there, she was going there to fuck!!! Cause those women just have this idea that just the fact that he’s with you, you must be totally freaked out because it’s just something amazing! They’re talking shit, they’re shitting their pants, you’re making a fool of yourself, and it’s all to get laid, and they think that talking to you is the peak – we didn’t say anything about that! Yuck and shame!
It’s a well-known thing that women make precious comments about how we’re only thinking about that one thing all the time… Well, then the reality is that she just slaps herself on the back spreads her legs and lets herself be pleasured – do you feel like she’s suffering in any way? Does she feel any pain? Then why does she talk so stupid and then tell her friends that men are cattle?! At least a dead carp will flick its head every now and then. Do you have a better definition of hypocrisy?! Isn’t a sentence overheard from an experienced friend much fairer? He keeps asking me to do it, but I don’t know if I’m complaining or bragging.
What the fuck is going on?! It’s just the way we’re all set up! If she understands that it’s just about the warmth of the family fireplace, she doesn’t even ask the guy, she’ll slap him – so Jesus Christ, she doesn’t have to shove it down her throat (like the lady above), she doesn’t have to swallow = maybe she’ll know when he’s coming, or if she wants to, you’ll warn her, you’re not an asshole, right?! Or she can spray it in her mouth and then spit it out or on her face or on her tits… Is that such a terrible ordeal?! Shit, she goes to the dentist too, or I don’t know, she’s done in five minutes if she’s handy. But mostly = the guy will eat out of her hand, talk about her in superlatives and bring her down blue from the sky! Nah, they’d rather be the ones to pout and make a scene in spite of their pride (while wiping the kids‘ shitty asses) – well, it just backfires on them. Jesus fucking Christ, you’re so pathetic and you really think it’s amazing to lick your pussy?! I’ve also seen the phrase: „I washed in the morning, I don’t give a shit, if you want, go wash!“ And not long after that was followed by the request, „Can you take care of „batty“ with your tongue?“ Well, say no!?! That was a feeling, that was a smell, that was a taste! Yuck, you’re not ashamed! And then that men are cattle! I, like a freak, never thought of going on a date unwashed! I still smell everywhere, I almost burned my anus to smell everywhere…
By the way, ladies, no man will probably tell you this or admit it, but there’s this horrible storm going on in our heads when we’re horny and right before we orgasm…and then after we climax, we’re suddenly someone else. So, when we get hard, we want you to swallow us, but when you do, we’re actually terribly embarrassed. And while I’m on the subject of „swallowing“ = on the other hand, I’ve also experienced a lady having quite a lot of wet orgasms, and not that it’s any kind of hit parade – so I really wouldn’t force ladies to do it! I was happy that she was well and therefore I didn’t mind it, I respect it and I’m happy with that optic, but that I was somehow disgusted by it, no – similar can be expected, quite frankly, from women, no? Just don’t be an asshole, respect, right?
And finally, my „hall of fame“ = with one friend I experienced that she wanted me to pee on her and I managed to do it and I felt that I couldn’t even pee in front of a guy (and I go to the cubicle and not to the shells)! And with another girlfriend I lasted 2 hours and once even almost 3 hours of fucking straight and that was when I felt like I had a problem with premature ejaculation of semen (so called ejaculatio praecox), like that’s how long you run a marathon, dude!!! I’m writing all this here not because I want to brag, but because it’s about my partner and compliance. In short, she who doesn’t stand up for it, doesn’t deserve it! Or conversely, once when I couldn’t get it up, my friend said in such a gentle voice don’t worry, it will work, she stroked me, he got it up and she swallowed me! And if you have a complex like I had for too long (given by the view from above – just like girls have the impression they have small boobs), a sentence to the hall of fame = that’s a long ad as your dick! If you have the same problem, just remember that before first intercourse, a man is afraid of having a small one; a woman is afraid of having a big one 😉 .
And as a final cherry on top – I heard, fortunately only from a story (but from a reliable source), how a lady refused to touch her boyfriend’s privates because she said her dick disgusted her! Can you imagine something in reverse? Something like: you’re great, you’re fun, I like talking to you, I’d like to live with you, but don’t be mad, I can’t have sex with you, your pussy disgusts me!?!