Maybe not entirely useless, because they explain how I have worked my way through my life to those advice and insights = i.e. about the origin of my practice.
I spent thirty years trying to maintain a dysfunctional relationship and finally my wife ran off to an even older but much richer lover. More specifically, after thirty years of relationship and twenty-six years of marriage, my dear spouse found (at age forty-five) another candidate for a husband! She just somehow forgot to tell me for almost two years…and at the moment when I had already started to scratch my antlers against the door frames, I forced her to confess without any provable evidence, only on the basis of clues and my intuition. Had it not been for that, this rather paradoxical state of affairs would have continued for much longer. I would have continued to take care of most things, finance most payments, etc., and she would have…
In a way it is sadly funny or tragicomic that according to her words she still likes me and appreciates my calm, easy-going and kind nature and even says I am really cool with how calmly I even accepted this news, but she can’t help it, she just loves him and she can’t have both…so she is moving in with him, quitting her job, leaving Cologne completely, just burning bridges.
You know, I must have listened badly when we got married, because her argument, which is really the only one she uses to defend her actions, is that she wasn’t happy with me – I thought they were saying something along the lines of „for better or worse“, but I guess I wasn’t paying attention and they were saying we should be together until we were happy, then we should find someone else to be happy with again for a while, etc.
The sad part of all this is that in the same year my son, who was not even eighteen years old (okay, so only seventeen), moved to Prague with his girlfriend…he just couldn’t handle his own mother anymore and I didn’t have the strength to keep gluing the crumbling relationship together forever. And so I „lost“ almost at once my son, whom I love and who is in fact my reason for being; and my wife, and I foolishly assumed that now that we had an empty nest, that the „second honeymoon“ would begin – well…it did, but somehow without me, I was left out! I mean, yes, my life had collapsed, I was rectally, I mean totally fucked. The philosophy of absolute shit.
My son’s reaction sums it up best, „I’m not going to judge my mom, and it’s her life, but it’s definitely a disgusting fuck up!“ And I’ll add to that that I’m not going to solve this at seventeen, so I’ll smile, pat her (which I actually did anyway) and say I’m not going to stop her from being happy…but at forty-five, I don’t know, well…
And as an afterthought and conclusive telling facts = one Sunday there was a „confession“, the next weekend she was all over him and came back with a new iPhone and an unlimited plan paid for by him. The next one she was there „only“ on that Sunday, but she arrived in a new car. To be fair, he said she was going to pay him back (I don’t doubt that, but I preferred not to ask what with)…
What the fuck is that? It’s basically turned out exactly the other way around! I’m saving my family for the sake of my child and my wife is fucking around and is supposedly „unhappy“?!?!?! 😀 I guess I’m a woman or something! Shit, shame then that I don’t believe in reincarnation, but apparently it’s obvious = I’m a reincarnated lesbian, that’s obviously why I behave more like a woman, that’s why I understand them so much, that’s why the warmth of the family hearth comes first for me! And besides, if you knew how I perceive colours, smells, how communicative I am (how I just like to talk), how I relate to cleaning, order, hygiene (how I just wash and smell all the time) and what about my absolute disdain for organised sport or how I love oral sex, and many times more than traditional fucking… Well… but, since I obviously understand them so well, since I quite understand many of the tricks they use on us and even use the same tricks myself and often quite intuitively at times, so why not take advantage of it? Why not use their own weapons against them, or actually, more accurately, for my own benefit – after all, I’m not fighting them, I just don’t want to be a fool and a moron anymore? Immoral? Unethical? Mean? Pathetic? Maybe, but I’ve tried to live the best I can up to now and the result? I’m left alone, like a stake in a fence, so fuck it! Go live and enjoy yourself! And moralists of the universe, fuck you! I’m just going to do what works and leave the utopian bullshit to the sun worshippers…
So this book is actually a kind of psychological Aikido = i.e. a „martial“ art or better self-defense using the opponent’s energy and strategies against him – how effective!!!