I think, at least I have the impression that I have finally figured out what the misunderstanding and therefore the mismatch between the sexes is…
So for me it works 100% and it seems to me that it has a more general overlap…and it should also be acknowledged that it also applies to a minority group of men (roughly estimated at about 4%) who speak similarly.
What’s the point? Well…the crux of the matter is the use of words. It’s not even really a matter of a sort of „vocabulary“ – we have quite a lot of similar vocabularies – it’s just that we all understand the actual meaning of words quite similarly, or feel similarly about it (in fact, I was originally wrong about that, and was under the impression that we were all speaking a different language, a different meaning of words). I’m sure you’ve experienced a situation where something was a de facto foreign word to you, but you somehow intuitively understood its meaning, right? 😉
Men use words like a ballistic missile with a flat flight path. It’s a given historically. It’s just that we have to get along in a pack when hunting mammoths – that is, we express ourselves succinctly, clearly, and only when we have thought things through and come up with a novel idea worthy of admiration (which we usually never get, and therefore speak less and less as we get older). So to start discussing with a fellow hunter how he feels today, how he slept and that the color of his spear matches his necklace was kind of impossible, wasn’t it? 😀
Women, in my experience, are also able to talk like that and so they definitely understand us, but for some (incomprehensible to a guy) reason they have the „complicator“ on most of the time and talk, or rather use words like balloons that they casually fiddle with and we’re honestly totally fucked! If I use the associations associated with this metaphor, then women like to pinch very often, but the more attentive observer cannot miss the fact that they pinch strangely from side to side and the man runs back and forth and as soon as he „picks“ on one side and it looks like it will be quiet for a while, behold – the ball flies to the other side… Well, he’s just trying to tire him out and dull his attention, because after a few of these exchanges, there’s an unexpected and mostly unpicked smash! Not to mention the fact that women like to use a falsetto, i.e. a fake spinning ball that is obviously going somewhere, but after the bounce suddenly changes direction, so that the guy has the feeling that he is answering something obvious in the conversation, while inadvertently answering something unspoken, etc. And I’d rather not mention the fact that sometimes a sharply thrown ball flies straight at delicate spots, etc. Our speech, then, coordinates action and directs the effort toward conformity; theirs is a noncommittal, not seriously meant game. And all other disagreements, in my opinion, no longer stem from any misunderstanding of the verbal…
Example? Maybe it’s just me, but I really don’t like to lie or misrepresent the facts. A bit of hyperbole, a witty linking of contrasting or controversial things or ideas etc. is something else, but I would never use a joke in which I had to say e.g. that I hate bacon – I just love it and so I can joke ABOUT the bacon, but I would never make a joke that was basically a lie = not so women! Because most of the time they are actually just „harmlessly!!!“ joking (I have the impression that they even believe it themselves), it is in no way a lie, deliberate misleading, creating a false impression or expectation etc. – it is exactly as Nastenka taught them in their childhood: „Sorry Ivanek, I was just joking!“ Women can somehow detach themselves from the words – as if somebody else said it, but definitely not her, because if she said it, it was just a joke, she didn’t mean it, and if she really said it, not like that and definitely not in that tone, etc.
Well, what about it then? For a long time it seemed unfair to me to start reacting (even in my mind) in the sense of – let her bullshit, it’ll be different tomorrow anyway = I felt that wasn’t the right approach – in my opinion, the ideal is to just see it as a game, not to attach much seriousness to their words, but rather to try to look for what we knew under the Bolsheviks – the unspoken, the between the lines, the footnotes, the hunched… We simply care about the content, and women care about everything else, just not the content of what is said – then we learn much more than we think, and frankly – we stop losing every time… at least I do – how about you?
You see, it’s not suspicion or distrust, it’s receptivity! And it’s not condescending not taking it seriously either – they don’t take the content as seriously as we do, and that’s why we so often don’t understand what’s going on. And one last observation, which is a bit more for the ladies, but we struggle with it sometimes across the gender spectrum 😉 As long as you are talking about yourself – i.e. sentences will contain „I“ = e.g. don’t be angry, but I see it this way, I feel differently, I wish, etc. = at least in theory you should tone down the conversation because you are entitled to your opinion, feeling, wishes, etc. If the other party is not already furious and has not already clouded his brain, then he could (ideally calmly) react in the same way, i.e. = okay, I see it this way, etc. – well, in theory there is a way to reach an agreement. However, if you formulate sentences like „YOU“, which women are usually specialists in, then it will come across as an attack and a call for a fight = you are irresponsible, lying, making things up, messing up, etc. – it’s just an accusation, got it? 😉